The Gospel According to Starbucks: Holy Connections Preached Sunday, October 28, 2007 Rev. David Tinney Text: Colossians 1:15-18 Theme: In this fast-paced, mobile, increasingly isolated, media saturated world we yearn for connection and the best connection comes in the church when we share the healing and renewing message of Christ. I would like to begin this sermon with a series of questions and I will ask for a show of hands. Let’s start with questions about moving. How many of you have moved more than five times in your life? Seven times? Ten times? More than 15 times? (Appropriate reflection) The hands in the air reflect that we are a highly mobile society. Did you know that nearly 45 million Americans move every year? That is about 16% of the population. Did you know that the average duration per location is between 5-6 years? No wonder people have a hard time making deep friendships. How many of you no longer live in your original state of birth? How many of you live in a different state than your family of origin? How many of you have children who live in another state? Did you know that 19% of all the moves in 2000 involved relocations to another state? Did you know that number keeps increasing each year as men and women make upward mobility in career a high priority in being successful? How many here know five of their nearest neighbors? When I say know, I am talking more than just their first name. A few decades ago we knew everyone on the street. We knew where they worked, which kid was always in trouble, and what their dog looked like. How many here have a front porch where you entertain or sit out and watch the neighbors? How many have a back deck where the entertaining takes place? Our houses have reversed over the years. In former days everything pointed out to the community or to the street. We are no longer a “front porch” culture. Our front porches were places where people could come and sit and socialize. Now our socialization is done selectively with those we invite into the private space of our back yards. How many here have been to a high school or college reunion in the past five years? How many have been to a family reunion in five years? Did you know that many of us live so far away from our families or from our old friends in college and high school that we don’t consider reunions all that important or necessary to our relational life? How many have one television in your house? How many have two? How many have three or more? Did you know that according to A. C. Nielson this year is the first year in US history where there are more televisions in households than people? This translates to televisions in bedrooms, kitchens, garages, and even bathrooms. It means that we are so addicted to the tube that we have a hard time navigating the house without our favorite show following us. I am going to ask a more personal question. How many watch an average of one hour of television a day? Two? Three? More? Did you know that our average consumption of television is up at the same time our consumption of the internet is also up? How many have one computer in the house? Two? Three? Did you know we are fast approaching a time when we have more computers than people in households? Now here is a telling question… how many hours a day do you spend at your computer? This number includes not only your hours at work but also your hours at home. In other words I would like for you to calculate all your screen time versus face time hours. How many spend five hours or less? Five to ten hours? More than ten hours? We are fast approaching a time when more connection is done online than face to face. Finally I have one more question to ask but it is going to take a little explanation before I can ask it. There is a new book just out called “Refrigerator Rights” and the authors contend most of us have relationships with people who can literally help themselves to the contents of your refrigerator without needing permission. These relationships do not include family members. People with “refrigerator rights relationship” are the type of people we can trust deeply, the type of people who have seen us in the morning before our showers, and the type of people who have listened to us moan and groan about life without us having to pick and chose our words. So before I ask you this question I would like for you to think about people in your life who have refrigerator rights relationships. How many do you have? I am not going to ask for a show of hands on this because it is very personal. But let me say that if you don’t have a handful of RRR people then you are suffering from a growing social illness – DDD, disconnection, detachment, and depression. I was reading an alarming statistic this week about friendships. According to sociologists the average person now has fewer deep and intimate friends than they did twenty years ago and by the looks of cultural trends and forces the problem is only going to get worse. The combination of three major social changes – increased mobility, heavy social emphasis on individuality, and the proliferation of emotionally numbing distractions like our media saturated culture – have actually broken our connection to God, others, and ourselves. The trends are there. This past summer, researchers from Duke University published a study that over the past twenty years the number of men who reported they have “nobody at all” in whom to confide has doubled. They estimate that 25% of American men now fall into this group of having no one with whom to share life’s burdens. Did you know that our nation, despite our wealth and privilege, leads the world in stress related disorders that are directly linked to feelings of isolation and detachment? These disorders are particularly common in our successful, upwardly mobile, career professionals. More and more people are complaining that their lives lack meaning and fulfillment or they have this nagging sense of melancholy. Instead of turning to friends for support or console they feel embarrassed that they have broken the cultural code of rugged individualism. Somehow if they confess that they do need someone in the journey that they can’t make it on their own that they are weak. So they keep silent which leads to further withdrawal. Some redouble their efforts in the belief that the American dream will bring fulfillment. Dr. Will Miller writes, “We pursue the frenzied modern lifestyle in a dizzying spiral. We pursue our intense careers hoping to feel more peaceful. In the process, we endure incredible inconvenience, steep physical and emotional costs, and family hardships. ” At the end of the day we drive in solitude from our workplace, pull our cars into our garages, close the world behind us and crash and burn. We spend the evening numbing ourselves with movies or television, or drugs and alcohol, or worse. We become even more isolated. We were not created for isolation. We were created for connection. Even as the internet pulls us to the isolation of our screens, people are reaching out and connecting to places like MySpace, eHarmony, or blog sites, or online chat rooms. But those plastic sites and virtual realities are no substitutes for the real thing. Sooner or later people need to leave their screens, come out of their homes, cast off their isolation and be validated, encouraged, and embraced. All of the hundreds of hours sitting behind a lifeless computer screen are no match for one hour being validated on the front porch of someone who cares. This is where places like Starbucks come in. Years ago CEO Howard Schultz recognized the trend towards isolation and the need for community places of connection. His idea was simple. A customer can buy a cup of coffee and get a living room with the deal. He must have been right because 33 million people stop in weekly to all his living rooms to enjoy the connectional space of Starbucks. In a culture of shrinking front porches, Starbucks provides the porch of hospitality. In a culture of increasing isolation, Starbucks stirs relationships in with its caffeine. In a culture where there is a need for a third place to meet – Starbucks, not the church, provides it. Do you remember the first sermon in which I talked about the “third place?” According to Leonard Sweet, there are three places that define and shape us – our workplace, our homes, and a “third place” for community and connected experiences. This third place needs to be neutral ground, be inclusive and promote social equality, be a place where conversation is the central activity, where newcomers are just as welcome as the regulars, where it feels homey, and where there is a playful and joyful mood. The Church used to be such a place before we started arguing about theological positions rather than assuming the position of hospitality. It is time to be the welcoming front porch for those who are new and undecided who are taking those small steps out of their isolation into connection again. It is also time to be the living room for those who really want to venture deeper into their spiritual journey and seek companionship and advice. It is time we become the sanctuary for those who are struggling with addictions, or depression, or the fear of connection, where healing and renewal can take place. We are called to connection. According to the scripture this morning God’s original design for all things was connection. Everything in the universe finds its order in Christ, its connection in Christ, its purpose in Christ, and its meaning in Christ. I believe without any doubt that we can offer something in the church greater than any Starbucks or any other vendor in culture. We can offer the healing and connective power of our Lord. It is through Christ that we are put in proper relationship with God; it is through Christ that we are able to align our priorities into a non-anxious, non-stressed lifestyle, and it is through Christ that we can heal our relations with our sisters and brothers. Let me explain this in a practical way without the confusing theology that I just spoke. Every fall most of us go through an “autumn realignment of priorities.” It is as much a fall ritual as raking leaves or carving pumpkins. This realignment process actually starts way back in the middle or end of summer when we are feeling refreshed and we start adding new things to our schedules. But then the reality of fall hits us and the kids’ soccer games collide with classes that you wanted to take, the kids’ after school activities collide with that promise to have family dinner around the table every night, work demands and fourth quarter expectations collide with your commitment to exercise every day, and weekend exhaustion collides with your promise to be faithful in attending church on Sunday morning. Fall is one of those times of the year when people adjust their priorities. The trouble with this process is that almost all of the things that I mentioned above are good. Success in career, kids in sports, exercise, dinner around the table, all these things are basically good but they collide and we can’t do everything so we start cutting back. I have noticed in my time as pastor that connection with God and church is one of the first to go. We get too busy so we cut back on our morning prayers. We get too involved with work so we cut back on reading and study. We start to feel guilty so we drop out of small groups or stop coming to church altogether. I would like to speak up for the priority of church, prayer, study, small groups, and spiritual journey because I believe it is the core priority, the core connection that keeps the others in balance. It keeps us connected in a world pulling us into isolation. Let me stay practical and talk about the power of worship. As we gather each Sunday for worship we are intentionally slowing our lives down, pausing for a moment in the middle of our frantic race, and at least for one hour gaining some kind of connection to something bigger than ourselves. Worship is a time of surrender, a time of remembering our proper place in a bigger story, and a time of giving thanks to the One who makes our part of the story possible. It is a time to hear the Word proclaimed and hopefully to be challenged by that Word in such a way that our relationship with our Creator and Redeemer is deepened. It is the place where we allow ourselves through song, prayer, and shared insights on scripture that we can move to such deep intimacy that we call God “daddy” or Jesus friend. It is the time when we connect with each other and find ways to connect to the world around us. Study and small groups are yet another way to connect. We all know how hard it is to begin exercise alone, or to begin a new sport alone, or to kick an addiction alone. We need companions in our spiritual journeys if we are to succeed. Small groups offer that companionship. Remember earlier in the sermon I asked the question how many Refrigerator Rights Relationships do you have? When I asked that I was talking about how many people could come into your kitchen and mess with the icebox, but now let me ask the question a different way. How many Refrigerator Rights people do you have who you would allow access to your spiritual icebox? How many people are you connected to who can tell you that you need to slow down and rest? How many can tell you that you need to move beyond some current resentment and forgive? How many people can you become vulnerable with and share your moments of darkness, your deepest struggles, your toughest challenges? When I read the statistics about the toll of emotional disorders on those people who do not have connections, I have to say that THE MOST IMPORTANT connection the church can offer is our small groups. It should be the last thing we move off our list of priorities. Let’s be honest with each other this morning. The very things we love about our lifestyles: the mobility in our careers, the transportation and communications systems that have changed the concept of community, the access to information and virtual realities, the fantastic new online games and private entertainment systems, and the hundreds of new options to numb our senses after a long work day. But they all come with a price. That price is increased isolation, distraction, depression, and anxiety. That price is too high. If there is one thing the church can excel at it is CONNECTION. We should be the “third place” for members and non members alike. We should be the place of radical hospitality and creative connections. We should offer the connection around which everything else is built. Dr. Will Miller and Dr. Glenn Sparks, “Refrigerator Rights: Creating Connections and Restoring Relationships,” White River Press, White River Junction, VT. 2007 p. 106 Miller/Sparks, p.87 Miller/Sparks, p.13 Miller/Sparks, p10, 19-20 Leonard Sweet, “The Gospel According to Starbucks,” WaterBrook Press, Colorado Springs, CO. 2007, p.144 Miller/Sparks, p.20 Mller/Sparks, p.12 Miller/Sparks, p11 Miller/Sparks, p.62 Sweet, p131 Sweet, p131-2.